Welcome to our collection of Medicine Personal Statement Examples! We’ve searched far and wide to find personal statements from successful applicants all around the UK and asked them to analyse the strengths and weaknesses of their work for your own inspiration. Today’s subject is from Faris, who studied Medicine at Cardiff University.
Faris submitted this personal statement back in 2013 and managed to gain an offer to study Medicine at Cardiff.
| University | Cardiff University | University College London | University of Cambridge | University of Birmingham |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Offer? | Yes |
Let’s read the personal statement that got him a place at Cardiff University, or skip straight to his feedback to learn what made his personal statement a success!
Please be aware that these examples are meant purely for the sake of inspiration, and should absolutely NOT be used as a model around which to base your own personal statement. UCAS have a rather strict system that detects plagiarism.
Cardiff Medicine Personal Statement Example
WHOLE PERSONAL STATEMENT
The workings of the human body are a constant source of amazement to me, from the complexities
of the brain and consciousness to the biomechanics of genetics. This diversity has led me to
explore a career in medicine. I spent time in a pathology department where I learnt how
science is integral to delivering high quality services to patients and doctors. This was
reinforced when I visited a university research unit that investigates the genetics of mental
health, and I was able to appreciate how my studies in biology are important to studying
medicine.
To learn more about being a doctor I spent time with foundation year doctors and established
that their duties require skills ranging from having up to date medical knowledge, to being a
good listener, problem solver and an articulate communicator. I also witnessed the doctor
patient interaction in primary and secondary care settings where I was able to observe the
impact of socioeconomic factors on health. During my time in primary care I was struck by the
holistic approach GPs take when consulting with patients as well as the importance of good
communication skills. I was particularly touched by the professionalism and dignity shown to a
patient whilst I accompanied an anaesthetist during a cardiac emergency. The calm and
confident manner in which the doctor led the team through what was a difficult situation
brought home to me the emotional impact of losing a patient, as well as the limitations of
what can be achieved. The care and determined treatment of patients, without passing judgment
was truly uplifting. In order to enhance my own communication skills, I attended a workshop
for medical students on this topic. This provided me with a snapshot of the care taken in
teaching the students how to talk to patients. My voluntary work at a nursing home has allowed
me to refine my own communication skills as well as reinforce the importance of compassion and
team working. In terms of collaborative work I led our school’s Young Engineers’ team in a
sustainable design project. This highlighted to me the value of having good communication
skills, diligence and a structured approach in providing positive team interactions and
becoming a leader. I captain the school’s rugby team, which has given me further experience in
leadership and understanding how to motivate individuals to support a cohesive team.
I find the constant development in science exciting, so in Year 11 I completed a Higher
Project researching brain activity and its association with lucid dreaming and R.E.M. sleep.
This developed my writing skills, which I was able to put to good use when compiling an
evidence-based, Safe Practice Policy at a work placement with Exxon Mobil. This attachment
also made me appreciate hierarchy in the workplace, cultural diversity and provided
opportunities to improve my presentation and team skills. These transferable skills have been
developed further through my role as Head Boy where my duties include Prefect management,
public speaking, liaising with teachers and students as well as being a representative image
for the school.
The health profession is constantly under the microscope; patients’ perceptions of doctors and
medical care are of high importance and should not be underestimated. My interest in the
media’s perception of health led me to undertake an Extended Project where I explored the
accuracy of the portrayal of medicine in a random sample of films from 2000-2012. I positively
enjoy challenges and working under pressure. This can be seen in my ability to combine
academic, sporting and leisure pursuits to a high level. My time practising Mixed Martial Arts
and achieving a black belt in Taekwondo has helped to strengthen my focus and discipline
whilst my Gold Duke of Edinburgh training demonstrates my resilience and aspiration for
excellence. With these attributes and my enthusiasm for medicine, I believe I could perform a
valuable role as a doctor in the 21st century.
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Cardiff Medicine Personal Statement Example Analysis
Now, let’s go section by section and see what Faris has to say about what he wrote:
INTRODUCTION
The workings of the human body are a constant source of amazement to me, from the complexities of the brain and consciousness to the biomechanics of genetics. This diversity has led me to explore a career in medicine. I spent time in a pathology department where I learnt how
science is integral to delivering high quality services to patients and doctors. This was
reinforced when I visited a university research unit that investigates the genetics of mental
health, and I was able to appreciate how my studies in biology are important to studying
medicine.
- THE GOOD
Introduction
In my introduction, I opened things up by discussing my genuine interest in the subject of medicine, something that is best to establish early so the rest of the statement can focus on your experience, achievements and abilities. From there, I spent time linking between A-Level studies and pre-clinical sciences, with medicine. This, combined with early mentions of placement experiences including those in pathology and research unit, build up my credibility as a candidate, as I briefly show why I am knowledgeable and experienced in the field of medicine.
A smaller thing to note here is the use of language, with a mixture of plain English and appropriate ‘buzzwords’. It makes the writing feel knowledgeable while still being genuine.
- THE BAD
Introduction
Sentences here are quite long and could be shorter throughout the first paragraph, as this is a particularly long introduction that could’ve been more concise. Another issue is that the links to previous experience lack specificity and are quite superficially linked; adding more detail may have helped. This is more developed later, but it may not have been the best choice to briefly mention all of this in the opening, where many examiners will make their initial judgments for the rest of the work. Pacing is key in a personal statement.
MAIN BODY
To learn more about being a doctor I spent time with foundation year doctors and established
that their duties require skills ranging from having up to date medical knowledge, to being a
good listener, problem solver and an articulate communicator. I also witnessed the doctor
patient interaction in primary and secondary care settings where I was able to observe the
impact of socioeconomic factors on health. During my time in primary care I was struck by the
holistic approach GPs take when consulting with patients as well as the importance of good
communication skills. I was particularly touched by the professionalism and dignity shown to a
patient whilst I accompanied an anaesthetist during a cardiac emergency. The calm and
confident manner in which the doctor led the team through what was a difficult situation
brought home to me the emotional impact of losing a patient, as well as the limitations of
what can be achieved. The care and determined treatment of patients, without passing judgment
was truly uplifting. In order to enhance my own communication skills, I attended a workshop
for medical students on this topic. This provided me with a snapshot of the care taken in
teaching the students how to talk to patients. My voluntary work at a nursing home has allowed
me to refine my own communication skills as well as reinforce the importance of compassion and
team working. In terms of collaborative work I led our school’s Young Engineers’ team in a
sustainable design project. This highlighted to me the value of having good communication
skills, diligence and a structured approach in providing positive team interactions and
becoming a leader. I captain the school’s rugby team, which has given me further experience in
leadership and understanding how to motivate individuals to support a cohesive team.
I find the constant development in science exciting, so in Year 11 I completed a Higher
Project researching brain activity and its association with lucid dreaming and R.E.M. sleep.
This developed my writing skills, which I was able to put to good use when compiling an
evidence-based, Safe Practice Policy at a work placement with Exxon Mobil. This attachment
also made me appreciate hierarchy in the workplace, cultural diversity and provided
opportunities to improve my presentation and team skills. These transferable skills have been
developed further through my role as Head Boy where my duties include Prefect management,
public speaking, liaising with teachers and students as well as being a representative image
for the school.
- THE GOOD
Paragraph 1
I feel much of the content I wrote here is a good reflection of myself as an applicant, demonstrating my many varied activities during my preparation for this application. Two things that will always help you stand out in an application is variety and unique experiences. Of course, just listing these alone will not have much impact, which is why I had linked each experience to a primary lesson or skill I had learnt. This shows that I actually took something valuable away from this experience, something that has made me a better medical applicant.
- THE BAD
Paragraph 1
However, this large paragraph is actually the majority of my personal statement, which is definitely not a good thing! This is probably the biggest mistake I made with my personal statement: not separating into paragraphs. While this isn’t a reflection of the content quality, it’s a very important and very basic rule of formatting that all writers should adhere to, especially when writing something as important as a personal statement. I wish I had understood this more when I was writing this statement, as I can imagine how difficult is must have been for the admissions teams to read through one massive, unformatted block of text!
In terms of improvements, the first is obviously to split it up into paragraphs. In my case, the best option would be to change to a new paragraph after each major discussion point (e.g. each work placement). I also discuss more extra-curricular activities later on, which may have been better placed towards the end of the full statement. I also I try to link multiple experiences later in the paragraph, when I perhaps should have focussed on just one or two of these for the statement as both provided similar skill sets. Redundancy is something you can’t afford in a personal statement with such a limited word count. It’s alright to have mention similar things, or discus to experiences that compliment each other, but everything discussed needs to bring something new about you.
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CONCLUSION
The health profession is constantly under the microscope; patients’ perceptions of doctors and
medical care are of high importance and should not be underestimated. My interest in the
media’s perception of health led me to undertake an Extended Project where I explored the
accuracy of the portrayal of medicine in a random sample of films from 2000-2012. I positively
enjoy challenges and working under pressure. This can be seen in my ability to combine
academic, sporting and leisure pursuits to a high level. My time practising Mixed Martial Arts
and achieving a black belt in Taekwondo has helped to strengthen my focus and discipline
whilst my Gold Duke of Edinburgh training demonstrates my resilience and aspiration for
excellence. With these attributes and my enthusiasm for medicine, I believe I could perform a
valuable role as a doctor in the 21st century.
- THE GOOD
Conclusion
My conclusion is short but it gets my point of why I want to do medicine quite clearly. I have reiterated the important points of my personal statement by mentioning my communication skills and the exciting nature of the career, which makes the conclusion feel like a proper summary of my statement. The aim of the conclusion is link everything back to the main purpose of the statement, showing why you are a good candidate for this university course.
- THE BAD
Conclusion
This paragraph unfortunately doesn’t manage this as well I would have hoped. The individual components I have written are all effective and demonstrate my abilities, but they have not been arranged in a thoughtful way. As an example, the paragraph opens with a discussion on the current landscape of medicine and what I have done to keep myself educated on this. This is something that is better suited to the early stages of the statement, where I would be trying to prove my understanding of the topic. Placing this at the end doesn’t provide much value when the reader has already seen the more impressive experiences I have had.
Following this, I discuss more extra-curricular activities. Not only is this split up from the previous discussion of my experience as a rugby captain, but it’s also just too much space dedicated to these activities. Anything extra-curricular is an addition to you professional development, meant to show your character and general skills. These are important, but they do not hold the same weight as actual work placements and studies, so should not be discussed on the same levels as these.
Final Thoughts
- THE GOOD
Overall
Starting with the positive, I do believe that almost everything I discussed in this statement was valuable and proved my worth as an applicant. The three key things that any applicant should be discussing in their personal statement is work experience, volunteering and wider-reading/research. All of these are what build you up as an effective candidate. But it’s not just about doing them and listing them in your statement, but also about reflecting on what it is you actually learnt and what from it has improved your outlook and abilities. I would say this is the key strength of this personal statement.
- THE BAD
Overall
Looking back on this statement, I really wish I had known more about the structuring and writing of a good personal statement. As I’ve already discussed, the formatting of this writing is just not suitable for a personal statement. There is no flow to where things are discussed which makes it much more difficult to read and find connections between the various experiences I speak about.
On top of this, I do make a few mistakes in the actual content as well. This includes the amount of things I mention, as I perhaps should have discussed fewer things in more detail. Due to this, some areas of discussion aren’t explored properly, including the fact that many things aren’t explicitly linked to medicine, making them seem somewhat irrelevant in the eyes of the reader.
If you’re having doubts about your own writing abilities, I would recommend you take the time to reflect on what you’ve done so far. If it doesn’t flow properly or feel effective enough, you may need to get outside help. Getting more help would have greatly benefited me, whether it was a full on platform of support or just having someone review my work. An outside prospective is almost always the best way to get through any doubts you have about your work!
So there you have it! This personal statement helped Faris get a place at Cardiff University! Everyone has different experiences and abilities, so you may not be able to relate to everything that was said in this personal statement. However, the information and advice provided by Faris will help any applicant avoid mistakes that could cost you your chances.
Be sure to check out more Medicine Personal Statement Analyses to see advice from all different kinds of applicants, including Ali Abdaal himself! Or if you want to get started on your own statement, check out 6med’s Personal Statement Bundle for all the support and resources you’ll ever need! If you want full support on every part of your application and a guaranteed place at med school, the Complete Bundle will be perfect for you.
More Medicine Personal Statement Examples & Inspiration
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